I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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