the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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