Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
