Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
