i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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