I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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