paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
3 2 1 whiskey
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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