I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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