I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
