Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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