i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
