good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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