They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
