is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
