hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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