when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
