There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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