You can't motorboat a personality
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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