I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
