We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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