I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
