I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
