So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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