They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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