she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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