Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just had sex bonerless
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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