I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
