Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
