I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
