careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
