it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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