Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
