dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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