woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
