At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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