Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
