I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
