I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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