operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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