is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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