I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
