I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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