Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
