Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
