tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
