Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
