every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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