you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
