Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
