she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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