Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
