Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
