i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
