Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize