he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Be still, my beating vagina.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
