and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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