Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
