I heard we made out
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
