apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
