Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
