I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
