Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
