I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
