oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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