Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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